Originally posted on JoyfulSurrender.com: A few weeks ago I posted a simple question to survivors of domestic violence in a few online forums. The question was, ” Could you share?examples of bad counsel you’ve received from churches and counselors?” In less than an hour I had over 50 responses. Below are?just some the answers…
I shared this article a couple years ago, but am sharing it again, because people need to be reminded that domestic abuse is very real, but most “advice” or “counsel” coming from the “churches” is deadly. Spouses (especially women) being abused need to seek help until they find REAL help that will recognize what’s happening.
To refresh your minds: Abuse is not only physical; it can be emotional, psychological, financial, spiritual, sexual, etc. Anything that puts the victim down, increases the power of the abuser over her/him. (Yes, women can be abusers, too, though it is more common for men to be, from sheer difference of strength.)
Emotional and mental abuse can be some of the most damaging because it is much harder to recognize, and does its dirty work in the heart and spirit where nobody can see it. Sexual abuse happens in marriage too, sometimes causing secret physical damage that is extremely difficult to talk about.
Abuse is ALWAYS WRONG, and those who think they may be experiencing it must try to get help, even if they have to keep trying and trying until someone believes them. Even if you have to go to some kind of domestic abuse support group connected to social services, as they RECOGNIZE the signs, and can offer more helpful information than most “christian” churches. I hate to say that, but it took me nearly 20 years to get help because NONE of the “christians” I knew could say anything better than what you read in the above article, and I didn’t know how or where to find help elsewhere. (By the way, ALL of the mentioned “christians” — but one –forsook me when I finally found REAL help and said “enough is enough.”)